Vulnerable
by iNeedSeriousHelpYouGuys
Summary: Some of the times that Ryuji Suguro saw Rin vulnerable.
The first time I saw him when he was vulnerable, I only succeeded in pissing him off.

I was walking back to the dorms, after a long day studying in the library, only to realize that I got caught in the rain. Just my luck.

Then I noticed someone out of the corner of my eye. It took a minute for it to finally click that it was Rin, the rain making it harder to see from this distance. I decide to walk closer before saying anything, figuring that he won't hear me over the weather anyways.

But as I got closer, I saw something on his face that I _never_ thought I would use to describe him: _fragility_.

He looked like he could crack at any moment, staring far into the distance with the expression of someone who just heard news that crushed their whole world. His eyes weren't quite as bright as usual, his ever-present smirk missing. He didn't pay any mind to the rain as he stood there, seemingly lost in thought.

"You must really like the rain to just be standing out here in this weather."

He startles at the sudden comment, apparently not expecting company, before he quickly adopts an annoyed attitude.

"What do you want, Suguro?" He spits out, clearly not in the mood. His body was suddenly getting tense, as if preparing to sprint out of the situation. I'll admit I don't want to deal with him either, but could he just _shut up_?

"In case you haven't noticed, Okumura, you don't own the whole campus. As for your question, I want to know why you're standing out in the middle of a thunderstorm. What, do you have to miss another test? Gotta make your 'sick day' look realistic this time?" I retaliate, quickly losing my patience with the other exwire.

His face suddenly turned red as his frown deepened, and he just scoffed, turning to walk away. "Seriously? You never walk away from an argument. Is it just that I was spot-on and you don't want to admit it?"

He immediately stops and spins around, glaring at me from behind his wet hair. "This isn't the fucking time, okay? Shit just went down and I thought that maybe, just _maybe_ you would leave me alone since I'm clearly not up for your bullshit right now. But that's just _fine_ if you wanna deprive me of that. No _fucking_ problem!" He's practically growling at this point. I guess leaving him alone probably would be for the best, lest everyone in the immediate vicinity be exposed to one of his hissy-fits.

I raise my hands in mock surrender, figuring it would be for the best to just leave him to his own problems.

"I was just trying to get to the dorms, Okumura. You can go back to your pouting now," I mutter, continuing my original journey.

For a split second, I could have sworn I saw a tear roll down his face. It must have been another raindrop.

The second time I saw him vulnerable, I tried to pretend I didn't see anything.

Okumura-sensei had personally asked me to help Rin with his homework, since I have the highest grades in the class. I was quick to decline the offer, but the young teacher wasn't taking any of it. So in the end I was forced to go to the abandoned boys' dormitory.

I've been standing out here knocking for seven minutes, and it seems pretty obvious that Rin isn't going to hear me anytime soon. I walk up the stairs and begin searching through the rooms, knowing that the other will most likely hide if he knows I'm here to force him to do his homework.

After double-checking the entire building, ready to call Okumura-sensei and ask if this was a prank, I realize that the only place left that he could be is the roof.

I opened the door quietly after walking up all the stairs, only to hear a noise I was most definitely _not_ expecting.

Towards the other side of the roof, I could hear the sound of another person crying. The sobs were quiet, barely noticeable, but definitely there. I quickly close the door, trying to make as little noise as possible, before going back down the staircase.

Whatever that was, I feel guilty for witnessing it.

But I still had to tutor him, so I simply began calling out his name, pretending I only just arrived. After a minute or two, he came down looking just as he usually does, no sign of him being in the condition I just witnessed.

As I walked back I tried to shake off the uneasiness I felt, but it was hard. How often had Rin been faking it when he smiled, joked around, and laughed? Was his just a rare occurrence that I happened to walk in on, or was this a normal routine?

I decided to pretend I never saw anything.

The third time I saw Rin vulnerable, I regret not comforting him.

I was avoiding him. We were _all_ avoiding him. We just found out that Rin is the son of fucking _Satan_ , give us a break.

And it hurt. It hurt that he would lie to us for so long, and act as if it was no big deal. As if we didn't just find out our classmate (friend?) was the bastard son of Satan. Was Rin what caused the Blue Night? It makes sense. Is Rin just a spy at True Cross, waiting for anyone to slip information that he can give to his father?

I can feel my fists clench at the thought. Does this mean that everything they'd been through had meant _nothing_? Was _any_ of it real?

I push branches out of the way, cursing the Headmaster for sending us on a forest mission. We all got split up after a herd of low-class demons swarmed us, and without any service there's no way to contact each other.

Then I heard a familiar sound. A sound I had only ever heard once before, but I recognized it immediately. Carefully maneuvering myself through the trees, careful to make as little sound as possible, I finally find the source.

Rin is crying again.

It's a lot like last time in the sense that he's purposely making himself quieter, but this time there's something different. The slight sobs seem to be _forcing_ their way out of him, as if he's been holding this back for months on end.

Knowing Rin, he probably has.

As quickly as I came, I retreated back into the trees. If Rin wanted to cry, let him cry.

 _I hate admitting that the scene hurt more than any gunshot wound._

The fourth time I saw Rin vulnerable, I knew it was all my fault.

I had been angry. I was just so, _so_ angry, all the hurt and betrayal bottled up inside of me that when I got the chance to finally let it out, I snapped.

Rin had been looking paler than usual, and seemed to be losing an alarming amount of weight. Not only that, but he was being a lot more introverted, sitting in the back corner of the room by himself and never looking anyone in the eye. The change in attitude was ticking me off, even if it _did_ raise quite a few red flags. He wouldn't even _talk_ , for fuck's sake.

So I waited outside the room before class started, hoping to catch Rin in his tracks.

When he finally turned the corner, head low and body language self-conscious, I grabbed his wrist and lead him around a corner. He didn't struggle, strangely enough, almost as if he didn't care what happened to him.

"What the fuck is your deal?" I ask, deciding that being straightforward would be the best route. He still refused to look at me, choosing instead to stare at the floor in silence. I grit my teeth, feeling stupid for even trying this.

"I said, _what the fuck is your deal?_ I'm gonna stab you with a blessed dagger if you don't drop this act soon," I repeat, patience wearing thin, not wanting to reveal my actual concern for his well-being. He doesn't speak, move, and I even have my doubts on if he's breathing or not. Just as I'm about to leave, I hear him whisper one chilling sentence, just barely loud enough for human ears.

"If that's what you want, then do it."

I had to take a step back, truly caught off guard by those words. "W-what?" I manage to stammer out.

"If you want to kill me that badly, then go ahead. I won't stop you." He pauses, thinking over the words in his head. "Unless you're too much of a coward."

I feel rage bubble up inside of me at that statement, slamming him against the wall. "Oh, I'm the coward, am I? Well, at least I'm not the fucking demon that hid his true heritage from his so-called friends for _months_. At least I didn't almost _kill_ all of those so-called friends when I got a little angry. At least I'm not hiding like a pathetic little kid when the big secret was revealed, hoping that if I act like everything's the same, then nothing will change, despite the fact that _it's not the_ _ **fucking**_ _same_. At least _I'm not the_ _ **bastard son of Satan**_ like someone else I know. The next time you decide to go and call me a coward, take a long look in the fucking mirror."

I dropped him to the ground and walked away, pretending like I didn't see the clear substance trailing down the sides of his face.

Neither of us went to class that day.

 **...**

No matter how much I try to convince myself I was in the right, I can't help the guilt crawling in my stomach at my outburst earlier. I knew Rin was in a fragile state of mind, I shouldn't have tried to talk to him when I was practically a ticking time bomb.

I'm debating whether or not I should apologize when I feel the buzz of my phone in my pocket.

' _I'm sorry.'_

It's from Rin. It feels even worse knowing that Rin thinks he's the one to blame, when it was obvious from all sides he wasn't.

I quickly text back that it was all my fault, and he shouldn't worry about it.

' _Message not delivered.'_

What? Not delivered? I press send again.

' _Message not delivered.'_

That idiot must have turned his phone off. Swearing under my breath I leave my room and start heading towards the abandoned dormitory, knowing that I need to get this apology off my chest.

I open the door, knowing Yukio is away on a mission with Shura, and begin making my way through the building. It's unsettlingly quiet, despite the fact that there should only be two people living here.

When I spot the light on in the bathroom, I swiftly knock on the door.

No answer.

I knock again, a little harder this time.

Still no answer.

I knock again, this time making my presence impossible not to notice.

The door doesn't move.

"Okumura?" I call out hesitantly, feeling dread rise up in my stomach.

I hear a low groan, faint, but there. I quickly begin pounding on the door, not even trying to hide my worried tone.

"Okumura? What are you doing in there?"

A weak cough.

"Rin?"

Labored breathing.

" _Rin, open the fucking door!"_

The whispering of a name strangely similar to my own.

I back up, slamming my shoulder into the door as hard as I can. After a few tries the door breaks right off the hinges, and i pull it away to see what the fuck is going on here.

Bottles. So many bottles.

Different demon poisons and sedatives littered the floor, all empty, with a pale and shaking Rin laying in the corner of the room.

I'm at his side in less than a second, praying to any and every deity that may exist that this isn't what I think it is.

I see him struggling to move, barely able to lift his fingers in this state, and help him sit up. I send for an ambulance, knowing that the condition Rin is in right now is critical. He's struggling to speak through his labored breathing, his words sounding more like whines than an actual language.

"Rin? Rin, blink twice if you can hear me, okay?" I say frantically, trying to calm myself down for his sake. He complies, but his eyes don't seem to enjoy being open as much as the alternative.

"Okay, okay, that's good. Just listen to my voice, okay? Can you stay awake for me?"

A shaky nod.

I quickly pick him up, feeling my heart sink to my stomach at how light he is, knowing that that will only make those demon drugs affect his system more.

The ambulance arrives a few minutes after I get him outside, and he's quickly brought to the Intensive Care Unit. I text the other exwires from the waiting room, exhaustion suddenly hitting me like a train.

' _At the hospital- Rin tried to kill himself.'_

I slip my phone back into my pocket before any of them can reply, continuing to pace around the empty room.

At 2:37 a.m. the secretary tells me I should leave, and that they'll call with any updates on his condition.

I stay for another two hours.

…

Rin has been in a coma for the last seven months.

I have visited him everyday, even as the others' visits became less frequent, before stopping altogether. His condition has been the same this whole time, and the doctors say he most likely will never wake up.

I stare at his face, missing the carefree smile and laughter from before the camping trip. The days when he was happy, even if just for a moment.

My heart aches at seeing that no one else showed up today, even knowing what it is. I guess it's just the two of us again.

"Sir, are you ready to unplug your friend?"

The last time I saw Rin vulnerable, I had to say goodbye.


End file.
